I wonder what is the most effective way of severing ties with someone whom you’ve had an unfortunate and disgraced friendship/relationship with. Will desensitization lead us to forgive and forget quickly? Or does it stagnate the internal healing process? Will it be easier to burn your bridges then once and for all? The answer is not a one-size-fits-all remedy and my mind was clearly pondering on several specific scenarios that’s why I was able to formulate those questions.

In my observation desensitization works better for resilient, adaptable personalities than easily agitated neurotic personalities. The neurotic tends to obsess over thoughts of days gone by or moments shared with a lost relative or friend and ex-girlfriend/boyfriend. Constant exposure to an ex at work or neighborhood can aggravate the nerves into a passive-aggressive kind of stupor. Writing or keeping a journal can help clear out obsessive thoughts. We hear of musically-inclined neurotics who can write a song about a loss or a heartbreak.

It’s not that resilient personalities don’t feel emotions of anger and hate nor mourn. They do, but they adapt to life changes quicker by being proactive instead of sulking and let grievance affect their work performance and relationships with others longer than it should. They know it’s best not to burn bridges – a divorcée and a divorcé fighting for equal child custody would be wise not to do that.

However, both resilient and neurotic personalities can vacillate between being flexible and showing anxiety-ridden vulnerability. Some life-altering situations demand more from us while some demand less adjustments. Ultimately, we cope more healthily when we realize that suffering, like everything in this world, is temporary.

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