seesaw

Image source: Barbarana Illustration

I guess there will always be some friends whom we kind of feel hot and cold at some point. However the point I am going to make is not solely based on that premise, rather it’s based on the second premise that we may or may not feel guilty about it.

I’ve known someone from Australia whom I’ve kinda gotten close to online for over a year. I had greeted him via WhatsApp last week on his birthday and it was the first time after a month that we chatted for a bit as he had been on a little vacation. He curtly said thanks and that he really appreciated my greeting. I didn’t reply then to his thank you message.

I was with my cousin later that afternoon in the bank to deposit some money when I saw another text message from him asking how I’ve been doing. I only got a chance to reply after 3 hours. I had wanted to reply by the time I got home but I got distracted by American Idol 12.

We did chat for a bit and then I got sidetracked by something else, which I don’t remember now what it was, that my mind was in buffering mode as to what comment I could tell him next in relation to the current topic of his birthplace, South Africa. A few days after that little chat, I found myself thinking over what I had been curious to ask him while I was making my way towards the coffee shop. I was curious about why his parents chose Australia to migrate to back in 1987. But guess what – I found myself putting off the idea of asking over and over until it’s already early Friday.

It’s not a life and death matter really; I’m concerned with my constant mental debate and its accompanying ambivalent feeling with regards to chatting with him again. The closest reason I could come up with is that I probably see him as someone intimidating despite his easygoing yet introvert nature.

I was alarmed at my interest and then sudden decline of interest at continuing the topic with him. I guess I feel guilty and weird that for some unknown reason I feel ambivalent towards him because there sure are some friends online with whom I don’t have this kind of experience at all.

Advertisements