Archive for September, 2013


Yesterday I participated in a free one-card tarot draw from the beautiful Lisa Frideborg Lloyd. I wrote that I was wondering if he and I would ever cross paths again. I had reason to wonder because I had been alerted by coincidences specifically pointing to him last week. In the past it was not strange for him at all that I could sense him strongly even from afar. For some personal reasons I probably will have to disclose in a future novel (ha ha!), he and I do not talk anymore – for him it was an issue of breach of trust which, ironically, originated from an error in judgment on his part. For me, it was an issue of speaking the truth so the persons directly involved can set themselves free from disillusion. It was the coarse messages my intuition alerted me about him that prompted me to ask Lisa that question.

I had a few guesses of my own as to which card would probably appear to her. I had thought of The Moon and even the Wheel of Fortune. When she had drawn the Justice card with this message,

“Justice is a maybe… but whatever happens with this will be for your highest good. The outcome will be fair and serves to balance any remaining karma.”


Image source: Trusted Tarot

I said to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that?!” After all the issue involved words, truth  and fairness. Despite that, I did not like the manner I had dispensed the truth then, I felt I did not do it smartly. Since then I had never stopped hoping that someday he will internalize the lesson, swallow his pride and eventually stop blaming other people for his own mistakes.

Strange as it may seem to others, he was sort of a prophecy that came to me when I was 14 years old. Sixteen years later, I would meet the person (him) in the prophecy, but I only really “knew” a year later, in 2011. I had no idea then that it was something big and unforgettable as to take a lot of my strength and soul to invest in. I had no idea until 2012 how big of a test was before me. Since 14 years ago, the numbers 29 and 11 have figured largely in the timing and fulfillment of that prophecy. It’s too much of a coincidence that the Justice tarot card is card 11 in the Major Arcana and that in Astrology its equivalent is Libra, which happens to be his Sun sign as well.

Moreover, Justice currently appears in my life under the guise of my friend A. I admire her patience to wait and only tell the concerned people involved regarding the alleged fraudulent activity she recently found out about a group she had just quit serving in. She did not let her emotions rule over her.

Having reflected on the Justice tarot card, I realized it’s better than my two previous card guesses after all. Whichever way this all pans out, having the Justice tarot card appear is a calming reassurance that whatever happens is for the highest good. I hope the wounds can slowly heal. Who knows I might even give a child the middle name, Justice, once the cosmic tips the scales in my favor.


Key, Present, Gift

August 25, 2011


Me: Then something about what I said before suddenly flashed before me.
About the key and the knife – the first dream I had about you had those symbols.
I don’t know if you recall what I told you before that you held an invisible key, that it was something I could use to answer some of my life’s questions.

Elk: Yup I remember that, we spoke about that a long time ago 🙂

Me: I don’t know what that invisible key is, but before you can give me that key, I have to help you in some ways.
I had a strong feeling that what I experienced last night – that expansive feeling of freedom – had to do with that key.

Elk: Serious? You have to help me? The plot thickens! I don’t yet know how I need help… But I am sure I can help you

Me: And that when I speak of the key, it is not in the future tense but in the present tense. Meaning right now in the present you are already actually showing the key. Uhm do you understand?
I think you would understand it well if I let you remember what you told me a few days ago, something which struck something familiar to me.

Elk: Yes I do understand
Remind me?

Me: You told me you are awakening me always as you are also awakening yourself.
Do you get the whole picture?

Elk: I’m not sure I am

Me: The thing was I just always thought I was always the one trying to awaken you.

Elk: To me I was thinking maybe you are finally growing to understand that I am happy to be there for you to help you as much as you need. I would make sure you are safe and happy and be great company. So you should feel that around me is like being around someone you have known your whole life 🙂
That’s what I felt is the key but since you see the key perhaps it is something else or something more

Me: I seem to forget that you do know how to awaken me too.

Elk: For me, I see spiritual awakening, you are how I like to be, you are interested in what I am also

Me: Because in those times I had told you my secrets, I always felt freed and something more.

Elk: But for me I probably offer more life (physical) teachings
I have not moved so much into the “magic”
I understand

Me: I don’t know it’s hard to explain but it’s a good feeling, this being freed

Elk: Freeing you is the least I can do, I see more, much greater things I can give you 🙂

Me: And like I said you are already doing your work as the key for me to be able to answer some of the biggest questions and puzzles I have about life

Elk: Letting you free yourself by giving you support, understanding, comfort and care is only the beginning. I have not really started teaching much of what I know.

Me: That key is inside you. 🙂 As has always been said about Light.
I now understand. : -)

Elk: Ultimately I’m just a person who understands or tries to. You are freeing yourself 🙂

Me: I know. 🙂
Double meaning here: The key is in the present.

Elk: Ah! Tricky
That’s what I love about that word, today’s gift : -)

Me: Yes, that’s it. 🙂

Fri, Dec 10, 2010 at 9:51 AM

Elk:  I am not sure about the meaning of my last dream but I had another one last night. I just remember the last bit as I forgot the rest.

I was at this strange place like a town built on water, lots of ramps and pontoons and I don’t know why or how but there was a race and I went in it. I was really fast and beat everyone so easly running along jumping over water and landing on pontoons till i got to the end, it was knida dark like night time or late afternoon and dark clouds blocking the light. When I got to the end you were there and smiled at me, I walked up to you and I was barely even out of breath. You gave me some compliment about being so fast and I looked behind and the next 3 place getters were females, the men were not to be seen. Then i leaned up against a hand rail and you just walked up and kissed me square on the lips, I was really shocked but you did it so confidently and then walked away and I just woke up. But you were darker than you are now, you had a dark chocolate tan.
Strange huh?

Thu, Dec 9, 2010 at 10:04 AM

Elk:  I dreamt of you last night 🙂

Me:  Really? What was the dream about? 🙂

Elk:  Well in the dream I was in a rain forest and you were with a group of girls but I didn’t speak to you.. It was like we knew each other but had never met before and I did not want to engage the whole group to speak to you. I went on this huge mission climbing and jumping down cliffs with this feeling I was being followed so I was moving faster but I never saw anything. Then I came to a clearing and it was the edge of an island with beautiful clear water like paradise but I wanted to get off the island for some reason, I walked along the beach (coast) and then I met you and you were trying to escape so we walked fast together along the beach… I wanted to run but I know you could not keep up so I had to keep your pace. We then came across some boats but no one was around. We stole one and sailed out to sea then noticed the people had spotted us and taken off after us. They were gaining on us fast, there was no land in sight and I had this feeling we should jump into the water. You were scared but then you trusted me and we jumped in together then there was an explosion and when we surfaced our boat was gone… totally gone no debris, we saw that the boats in pursuit were on fire and sinking and then a huge metal vessel arose from the water near us and I woke up. Could not get back to the dream 😦 I wanted so bad to continue hehehe.

The Last Note


Feb 13, 2013, 11:26 AM from him:

It’s strange that you would send me a link, maybe that was not of your doing, but actually I had been thinking about you lately and in that thought space silently I said to myself, thank you. Though I didn’t like the way you abused my trust as I was always open and honest to you I have forgiven you, you did help me a lot. That’s what the thank you is about. Hope you are well.

Easily Offended

An admission that’s already clear to me but something that’s not so apparent to others around me is that I easily get offended. Upon further reflecting on that painful admission, I realized on a case-to-case basis I can take a joke or a light form of sarcasm (I love sarcasm myself) yet I could not count on my fingers the times I’ve been sensitive to other people’s criticism or remarks – unintentional or well-meant.

Further extracting from that idea of sensitivity, I realized that what’s harder to swallow is an unexpected criticism or remark from someone you look up to or highly respect. It’s silly, really, to get anxious over why he or she was not pleased with my comment or to receive a reply from the person you anticipate positive comment from indicating your comment was so out of this world. It feels silly but it also hurt to feel that you’re not relatable at all.

At the root of being sensitive to other’s words or opinions is the need to conform or to feel acceptance. Not that I don’t ever offend anyone, in fact I had in the past, but it bothers me when I feel offended because I was expecting to be accepted in any form.

I’ve thought of celebrities and other famous people and how they handle public criticism. Perhaps this is why I prefer to remain in the shadows because I have in my core personality a tendency to try to please as many people as possible that letting down one person automatically means I had let down the majority.

I remembered an article on Lady Gaga I read on Yahoo! Shine a few hours ago. Some people have thought that Miley Cyrus dethroned her in the outrageousness department because of Miley’s unexpected twerk fest at the recent VMAs, to which Lady Gaga replied that she was not offended by that opinion at all because she was not in any way competing with other performers. She goes on to address the rumors that her single, Applause, did not do well in the Billboard Charts since it came out two weeks ago. Gaga commented that if anyone thinks she writes songs just for the money then no one really knows her as an artist at all.

That’s a very courageous answer that gave me the impression she is as real as she gets. What I have gleaned from that example is that some public figures, well-liked or not, recognize they are nowhere close to being perfect and over time become less and less concerned with pleasing everybody. In a way it’s a highest form of respect that you honor yourself first before others. We cannot radiate joy to others if we aren’t pleased with and accepting of our selves first. I guess that’s why most of them can endure being in the public eye – because they don’t care what others think.

I am hoping that after writing this all down in a stream of consciousness that I shall have let go of feeling pathetic and shall have accepted that I cannot please everybody.


Conversations with the Heartmind

Carl Jung

Carl Jung

The Dystopian Nation of City-State

A cruel, futuristic vision created by science fiction authors James Courtney and Kaisy Wilkerson-Mills. ©2013-2016. All Rights Reserved. All writings available through Amazon.

Social Health

Insights on the Power of Social Bonds

Be Inspired..!!

Listen to your inner has all the answers..

Kone, Krusos, Kronos

A personal forum to express ideas, experiences, stories, etc.


A topnotch site

Elan Mudrow


%d bloggers like this: