I just need to get this off my chest. Perhaps to be clearer I ought to post the events in chronological order.

Around late August or early September 2012 a random guy from a popular online dating site initiated a conversation with me. I had mentioned a name of an esoteric branch I am affiliated with on my profile and he had inquired which specific group I belonged to.  Despite the interesting yet unusual nature of our short exchange of messages and the fact that he was a kindred spirit, I did not feel compelled to check out his profile or read what he had to say about himself. I believe what contributed to the ambivalence was the first impressions I had formed from looking at his thumbnail profile picture – he seemed one overconfident (read: bordering on cockiness) and ambitious alpha male that’s way out of my league. It’s probably not true and I’m not in a position to confirm that because I don’t know him at all. When we had stopped chatting, it was I who had asked him a question about which body of esoteric teachings he resonated well with. He had not replied then and it was okay with me since we all have the freedom not to write back. I do admit I also have a record of not writing back. If I don’t like to reply, I just ignore and everyone moves on happily.

On October 18, 2013, I woke up at around 6 a.m. from a very disturbing dream. In a nutshell, this was the sequence: a local investigating agency gives a free seminar to civilians, I saw not more than 10 snakes which did not pose any threat at all as I had not been bitten, I saw centuries-old buildings crumble in an earthquake but I was no casualty, I saw the sky and clouds alternating between blue and violet hues which made me so scared to declare it was already the apocalypse and lastly, it felt like martial law all over again. I did not like the overall feeling in the dream – I had panicked and I felt it signified imminent life changes that might shake the core of my being despite getting out of it unscathed.

I got around to checking my mail at around 8 or 9 a.m. To my surprise the kindred spirit from last year had sent another message and it kinda took me close to 5 minutes to try to recall who he was or what we had talked about the last time. I had not visited the online dating site for about a year. I read the preview of the message and didn’t click through until probably an hour later, which was too long a procrastination. He said he was sorry we lost touch, that he MIGHT be coming to my neck of the woods soon and that it would be good to meet some kindred spirits here. He divulged his first name and e-mail address in case I was interested to correspond.

Okay. I don’t know why he would message me back with the possibility of meeting in person. I really didn’t think I had made a lasting impression and someone from a state in the US in their right mind would not go through the hassle of visiting a small city in the Philippines to meet some kindred spirits.

I finally found out his last name from the first e-mail correspondence. Because people who slowly get curious instinctively go to Google to do a little searching, that’s eventually what I did. Wow. He has an IMDb profile. That was unexpected and kinda intimidating at the same time and he, I reiterate, does seem out of my league. He had a few US TV appearances and had uncredited roles in some big Hollywood films. He seems to know a lot about esoteric stuff more than I do. Oh well I have got to cut myself some slack as I only really have 3 years of study in the esoteric group I’m in. His years of study is probably a decade more than mine. Heck, maybe even more.

I asked him whether or not his trip had to do with business. He replied he was going to one Asian country for a business trip for the first time but was thinking of visiting the Philippines as he had not been to both Asian countries. He asked me which part of the country I was in. After the second correspondence I had not gotten any reply. This was kinda annoying because you either go or you don’t. If you are set to go and have everything in place, that’s when you tell others of your set plan. I get annoyed with the use of MIGHT and SOON. Needless to say, I don’t really believe him.

Apparently inactive members who log in again to the site get their profiles bumped up to the top of the list, they suddenly get more profile visibility and possibly get few messages from newer members. That’s what happened to me when I logged on to the site again after a year. A few days ago I got a message from another member and I clicked through to at least give him a courteous reply. Someone buzzed in on my IM window and unexpectedly it was Mr. I’m-Sorry-We-Lost-Touch . He typed, “Hey there. I see I probably lured you back in here.”

Instead of pretending that I did not know he was insinuating about the fact that he had not written back, I pretended I did not read his IM. I shut down his presumptuous assumption by not replying and then closing the IM window. Where does he get that confidence to assume that I was following him there? Tsk tsk.

This person seemed to have brought seemingly uncontrollable internal chaos into my life on the second point of contact. I have a weird feeling about it. I can’t explain it. On the other hand I have no right to pass on judgment to someone I don’t know personally.

But everything’s cool yet having seen his communication pattern with me, I don’t think I’d want to talk to this person again.