Archive for August, 2014


Yesterday I wrote a warm congratulatory comment on my former Malaysian coworker’s Facebook post on her newborn baby girl. It then struck me that I reacted quite the opposite when a high school friend had her newborn baby boy – I did not show up a few months ago when I was invited to her baby’s Christening. I still see her posting the infant boy’s pics on my Facebook feed and this led me to the realization that the differences in my reactions are based on previous interactions with them.

It seems to me that when old high school friends meet randomly, all I’m ever asked is either if I already have my own offspring or if I just got hitched. The ensuing conversations would often lack intellectual stimulation and I often resort to making up excuses and that I have pressing matters to attend to just to get away from the ennui. My online chats with the former Malaysian coworker, on the other hand, involve other past work related stuff.

With old high school friends I feel like there is a certain mask or a front I need to keep up in order to level with them. It’s a mask of the giddy and naïve schoolgirl, a character which I have long grown out of. No wonder I am not a big fan of their annual high school reunions. I could not take the vibrational energy that goes with it. It’s a mask I could not give up because filling in the gaps about big changes is so tedious to run by them.

I have been watching Breaking Bad episodes for over a week right after I finished Fringe. In the middle of watching Season 3, it suddenly occurred to me earlier today that the only two guys I had slept with had both dealt with drug problems in the past.

I find it a curious observation and couldn’t help but think of the 12th house, which is the house of the unconscious, mental institution, hospitals, prisons, etc. Just as I had no idea (so aptly named the House of The Unconscious) what drew me to those men in the first place, I am in the dark about the role I play with the common denominators and parallels they have. Of course I am not ignorant to the fact that this shadow play all comes back to me.

To mention a few parallels – both were from Commonwealth countries. Both live in cities which had a famous harbor (very Neptunian/Piscean) nearby. The first meetings involved the first ex visiting me in my home country whereas I visited the home country of the second ex. On another theme-related incident, I have been recently having dreams about watching the waves in the ocean or submerging myself in a pool of water. In my previous post, The Cloud of The Six, I did touch on the topic of Pisces.

The 12th house in Astrology is ruled by Jupiter/Neptune, it being the natural domain of Pisces. The sign Leo occupies it with two other neighbors, Rahu and Saturn. It’s also curious that in Vedic astrology I have the nakshatra Purva Phalguni in that house.

The Cloud of The Six

When I speak of the Six here I refer to the Six of Cups in the Tarot cards which is a card of nostalgia and of the Number 6 in Numerology. Being born an analytical 7, I don’t particularly like how the Six energy is hijacking my intellect and bringing about more Piscean or Neptunian energy into the foreground of my present timeline.

I am currently in a Six Universal Year or Six Personal Year. The last time I encountered the Six energy it was during a personal month back in February 2012 and despite the huge impact (eventually beneficial) of the seemingly impulsive sacrifice I made, I could not get rid of the feeling that the first step I initially took made a mess out of everything. In a nutshell what took place in February to March 2012 was exactly like the quote “The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you feel miserable.” I made everybody who was directly involved miserable precisely because of the hidden human ills that was already set in motion. Since what I did allowed everybody to start with a clean slate, not every one was willing to let go of the clingy evil.

When I knew 2014 was going to be a Six Personal Year, I had to prepare myself mentally. By the second half of the year I was thrown into a familiar feeling of nostalgia, of something I had abandoned before – my feelings for XX.

By the end of 2012 the guy thanked me for being a special friend. There is that Sun (his) and Venus (mine) in Pisces composite connection. No surprises there. What I did not anticipate though was how the small exchanges or minor interactions since the second half of this year could still trigger feelings of undeniable Sun and Venus in Pisces connection. It was like a volcano that was dormant for some time. The 7 in me knew I was still secretly in love with him but that opportunities for proximity are rather not forthcoming and that I always have to trust the process. I keep deluding myself “this too shall pass” and keep my interaction with him down to nil because of the cloud of the Six.

By the time I got out of the house this afternoon and decided to go to the bank, I saw that the boundary of the low pressure greyish clouds were slowly chasing out the clear bluish ones. I saw the same cloud depiction from an Instagram post of a friend a few hours earlier. That was no coincidence.

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