I miss the quiet neighbourhood of my apartment back in Malaysia. I could hear myself think and since I lived there all by myself for the first 12 months, it made me appreciate that atmosphere in contrast to the rambunctious familial environment I am currently in. 

There are days I would decide to escape from here in exchange for some needed meditative solitude. Unlike my other friends, I do not easily get bored with my own company. But escape is a trap in itself – it’s temporary. The root of the issue becomes less clarified and less likely to be confronted. 

A tarot card reading done for me last July made it apparent that whilst I crave change and independence, I also have delayed choosing the specifics of how I want to live out my independence. What was I even thinking? To escape, of course. 

To escape is to not face responsibility for a while. By not delineating my choices or narrowing my options, I simply wish away to escape taking action for it to come true.