I decided to watch Point Break (Edgar Ramirez, Luke Bracey) this afternoon and although in some areas I know it was lacking, nevertheless I took away some insights which have been fomenting in my consciousness for a good while. The movie reminded me of the rebellious Into The Wild, except that it didn’t feel like the whole was greater than the sum of its parts.

For two days I’ve been having dreams having to do with water. Two nights ago I was seeing ocean waves and last night I was bombarded with overflowing water in every corner of the boxed compartment I found myself in. I didn’t drown though, which hints at the problem being largely of a perceptive nature.

The water perception makes sense in light of what I’ve been preoccupied lately reflection-wise. It almost seems endemic to a Filipino culture for the offspring to feel as if they have to sacrifice their lives for their family financially and emotionally. The parents project their unfulfilled wishes and ambitions on their children and either the eldest humbly assumes the breadwinner role after he/she completes his/her tertiary education or the children are forced to prioritize working for money over finishing their education. Evidently it is the responsibility of the parent or parents to send their kids to school and see to it that they graduate, but strangely the roles get reversed here. But just because it’s “common” doesn’t mean it’s logical. I would wager 95% of the population here have this kind of brainwashed programming to the point that 8 years ago I was surprised when a co-worker of mine presented her opposite viewpoint as a parent of two.

The brainwash hurts the kids’ future. It hurt mine, too, because I grew up with it and fought with it and still trying to deprogram myself from it. It makes me hate my situation because I don’t fancy explaining myself away to people I know will never understand. “Don’t throw your pearls before swine.” And that’s mainly where the contradiction and dilemma comes from – I have to learn that it’s okay to put my foot down, to draw boundaries and firmly say no. No wonder I literally have this heavy feeling on my shoulders.

The children grow up and get old forsaking their self-actualization, secured in the delusion that they’re doing an honorable thing. While some forsaking marriage may sound pitiable, they may not have been dictated to serve their parents for as long as they live. It still boils down to personal choice, just as a person who committed suicide bears the most responsibility for his decision albeit influenced by society and familial surroundings.

It sure pains to live life by proxy; you’d wait for your unfamiliar projection to show up because it’s what you see as the path society deems acceptable. You fail to see your children are your own projections and that they’re not really yours.

When you take up your parents’ paths without raising so much a single doubt what you’re here in this planet for, evolution is wasted.