Sleep is the best friend of depression and the latter makes the remaining waking hours unbelievably tedious. I can count the people I trust with my secretive life in one hand but in this intense dark night of the soul period, I am the only friend I can trust. The current inner work I’m in, believe me, requires such and no awakened soul walked this earth without enduring intense periods of self-purification and rebirth in solitude. How do awakened souls survive it? They survived by being piercingly honest with themselves.

It feels awkward telling a friend, “how do you move on from someone who will still be a part of your future because he has been central to a major angelic prophecy in your life?” Or even, “how do you reconcile with the fact you once fucked up and went against the angels’/guides’ counsel?” It’s even more painful to bear when you know you only saw the bigger chaos four years after losing what you held dear; what’s been constantly hounding you quietly about the past’s shallow victory has finally come to light and it doesn’t accept excuses for a band-aid fix this time.

The reason I am wading in the waters of depression is because I made shortcuts, lied to myself because I wanted to be “normal”, didn’t honor the calling of my heart because I wanted to be “normal”, defied my higher Self because I wanted to be “normal”, etc. Fuck normal.

When I cry out my pain, I do feel relief. And then it’s back to the doubting game of logic wins again and unknowingly taking apart the divine good structure of just letting it be.

Advertisements