I still have my doubts from time to time so I decided to change up the stones I am currently working with to reveal more layers of truth. This decision was brought out from the realization that since I was allowing myself to go deeper and further into my doubts, I would have nothing to lose if I start to work with the crystals whose vibrations I once feared in the past. I know I would come out okay after this, but there’s only so many choices I can pick and I feel I owe it to myself to be fair and honest about which ones I can live with.

I began with clear quartz some time ago so I thought I might as well bring out my mystic merlinite stone. I didn’t like the initial effect of mystic merlinite when I first used it a year ago. I was not ready to work with its energies and the higher wisdom it eventually rewards its persevering students. I could probably describe the mystic merlinite’s effect to be that of being boxed in a dark tunnel by one’s self – it’s dark and dreary before you can see the light.

As expected I was faced with its familiar darkness again. Or should I say I am re-encountering how it projects my unaccepted fears outwards? It feels more like the latter. I don’t feel like drowning yet but I am starting to question the consequences of the choices I currently entertain as possible and those I’ve made in the past. The “knowing” that I cannot ignore is still very much a constant at this point, it is stronger than ever, but my uncertainties have compounded. That’s exactly the duality the mystic merlinite handler would experience. It made me ask myself, “What would my Higher Self advise me at this point?”

I don’t know if I would let myself drown, knowing that even if I’m physically alive, the myriad forms of death are omnipresent.