Because of my anxiety to pinpoint what the dream about Elk meant, I knew I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t ask for help in interpreting it. I know I could be biased because of my past connection with Elk so I thought it best if someone outside my situation could shed light on what it meant. I didn’t like the idea of waiting until February to find out what it meant as I might be widening the margin for impulsive mistakes again like I did four years ago.

I was glad I made that decision. The dream interpretation was enlightening, opened my eyes to a newer perspective and, more importantly, allowed me to look deeper inside my psyche. I told myself I have nothing to lose if I dive further into the abyss of my fears and anxieties. The caveat, however, was realizing I am still not immune to other people’s opinions of right and wrong about the choices I make. I realized I’m still sensitive to what my friends might think. Despite learning a part of myself which I didn’t want to discover before, I felt I took too many steps back. And this was one of the root causes of my misgivings before – that I listened too much to unsolicited advice and my friends’ black and white versions of blanket security reality.

What stumps me is that we sometimes have this tendency to judge other people and opine about a viable could-have-been alternative decision even when we know little about their lives and their feelings. But when the tables are turned and time demands that we choose, 100% of the time we do so with our heart anyway. What gives? I’m starting to think my IQ is getting lower.

Midway into writing this post, I decided to listen again to Paul McCartney’s No More Lonely Nights. The song’s been stuck in my head for a while and I don’t know what was the point of the Universe in making me listen to it over and over. Until I got to the part where Paul sang “…’cause I know what I feel to be right…” and it felt like that message was magnified.