I cried myself to sleep last night and with a heavy heart. I was getting emotional, sensitive  and paranoid. It made sense why I got the Nine of Swords yesterday as the tarot card of the day, the drama queen card. 

I kept asking the heavens, “Why did you choose me?” I’ve been asking that question for 22 years. I broke down for the nth time because the way forward is not so clear despite the reassuring signs I am getting. It was like Hong Kong all over again where I was feeling that listening to my heart was imperative – everywhere I went I was bombarded with endless reminders even when nothing in the physical world proved it. 

It’s been too long that I wonder what the hell is this crazy master plan to hold on and never give up. (Yes, obviously I am entertaining my darker doubts again.) I am no Mary nor Elizabeth who would not dare question the angel apparitions, much less the messages the angels imparted. 

I have looked everywhere for answers but, ultimately, I feel only the Masters can satisfy my queries. If they have already given me answers, I must have missed them because I feared I was losing my mind. Most of all, I am guarding myself from fabricating unneccesary illusions. 

So hating this last stretch of 2016. 2017 may be one year more of lonely years in the desert.