Archive for February, 2017


How dandy it is for people who can say they have quickly forgiven even when they don’t have all the facts. I couldn’t help but surmise the reason why I had been having those dreams about him for 3 months on every 24th of the month was because we probably still carry different versions of the truth/story and some of the pieces we had were not right.

I couldn’t help but wonder that I might have proven him wrong and at some point my insecurities clouded me from seeing the truth he possessed. I don’t know how it is easy for some people, but the truest part of me cannot forgive unless I have had a bird’s eye view on all things. I can only truly forgive if I have been shown all the facts and ultimately feel it in my soul that what I was shown was the ultimate truth. That is what it means to live a 7 life path like I do.







There are times when I just break and it’s one of those days. I probably will have nightmares for a long while. 

My friend shared an instaquote via DM on Instagram earlier. Something about never being a prisoner of your past as the latter was just a lesson and not a life sentence. The way I feel right now is akin to having a life sentence. So why am I not dead yet? Would have preferred a swift execution to a prolonged suffering on earth. In the same vein I don’t really like the idea of getting to a really old age if the lesson can be learned in a short time. That way I can attend to other matters in the evolutionary ladder. 

The way I feel right now, what with themes of death and rebirth and transformation, I know I am channeling Pluto, the god of the underworld. I am also aware that as an empath, I sometimes unconsciously absorb other people’s death wish as my own. 70% of the time I would feel my heart getting heavy, heavier than my own troubles in fact, and I would then hear of someone’s relative being in critical condition at the hospital and I could tell they are on their way to their death bed. I really don’t have a way of telling which feelings are mine or others’ except when there’s already the concurrent fatality. 


I didn’t sleep well last night and part of my thought space went to the significance of the number 2 in my spiritual path. It was like something was suddenly alerting me to the number 2 occurrences again and I would have to be more open to past synchronicity of this particular number as it relates to what is still to come.

Unpleasant as the first trigger memory was, I had to let it flow like a river. When I woke up today I saw instances of 2 again, calling my attention with urgency. Of course, it was a number I knew well but had only awoken to the convergence of its myriad significance in the past few months.

Just as I was trying to get an image of the February 2012 calendar and wanting to do a Google search about it, I noticed my work tracker clocking this:

As I was looking at the February 2012 calendar, one click led to another and the next thing I knew I was looking for my itinerary in Australia on that month and year.

I arrived in Sydney on February 4th – the month a 2 and the day a 4. 24, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, was one of the number clues they left. 

The ETA of that flight was 1:10 pm.

February in 2012 has 29 days. 29, again, was another number clue. Actually, the principal number they hinted at.

I stayed in Cromer for 2 weeks.


This afternoon I saw 22 again on my lock screen as I was reaching for my charger.

Seconds later I checked his IG account and saw that 48 minutes ago he had just uploaded his 22nd IG post. Interesting I would often sense his new post 41-48 minutes later. 2 instances of 22.

I had to look up 2222 and came across a familiar site for this numerology stuff. From Joanne, Sacred Scribes:

“A recurring Angel Number 2 is a message to have faith, trust and courage as your prayers are manifesting in your life, even if it is not obvious just yet. Patience may be needed, but you may rest assured that all will turn out for the highest good.
The essence of the Master Number 22 is unlimited potential of mastery in any and all areas  –  the spiritual, physical, emotional and mental.  The number 22 has to do with balance, manifesting miracles and new opportunities.  When Angel Number 22 repeats in your life you are asked to take a balanced, harmonious and peaceful stance in all areas of your life.  The message is to keep the faith and stand strong in your personal truths.
The number sequence 2222 indicates that newly planted ideas are beginning to take form and grow into reality for you.  Your manifestation will soon be evident, so maintain a positive attitude and continue with your good work.  Keep holding positive thoughts, continue positively affirming and keep visualizing.  The reaping of rewards is just ahead of you.”

I realised that if I didn’t know how to listen to my inner voice and recognise it as part of my personal truth, so many distracting stimuli in the outside world could break me and led me away from my path. I did feel hopeless and felt like my struggles don’t seem to have an end in sight, although yesterday I did affirm to myself that ‘I don’t see it but I do feel it’. It felt right just saying that even though my mind could not comprehend what I was feeling.


In between my bouts with PMS yesterday and earlier today, it occurred to me that I may have never even told him “I love you”. I do remember being cautious and picky with my words when it came to expressing my affection for him. I was able to greet him on his birthdays but my birthday messages to him back then were always about wishes for more enlightenment. Ultimately, not even a spoken “I love you” can trump the sacrifice I did to give us a blank slate once again.

I do clearly remember him telling me he loved me and I didn’t even realise it was what I thought it was – I had to read back the whole message over and over. I don’t remember my response at the time but I must have downplayed it like I didn’t even read it. I didn’t want to be sure unless, of course, he could spell it correctly. It was also a very unstable transit for both of us, or at least going forward that day I knew a storm was coming. And it did, just like he said I knew the future because I had a gift.

I am pretty sure, though, that I did say “I love you” to my first boyfriend. I would even say it to him in Spanish because he was also studying Spanish at the time. I could look it up in my archived e-mails and I would be proven right.

I’m not a very materialistic person. I try to live as if I could be leaving home and going somewhere else soon so I don’t like bringing a heavy luggage with me. Both ex-boyfriends have give me two gifts in the past. (See? It’s always about the number 2.) Gifts that I don’t have in my possession anymore. The first one gave me 2 necklaces he bought in Mexico and the second gave me souvenir from Sydney and a bracelet mala from China. I honestly do not remember where I hid the necklaces or who I gave them to but I did leave the Sydney and China souvenirs to a friend. She would ask me if I wanted it back since she did not take them out of the box they came in. At this point, I don’t want those back. It reminded me of a very difficult and very painful Saturn period of my life, which, thankfully, has already passed. I don’t like receiving gifts primarily because I don’t like the feeling of owing someone something and secondly, because I often know what I want.

I have been listening to Brenda Russell’s Piano In The Dark, a very poignant reminder of where I’ve been and what I’ve become because of those two.





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