There are times when I just break and it’s one of those days. I probably will have nightmares for a long while. 

My friend shared an instaquote via DM on Instagram earlier. Something about never being a prisoner of your past as the latter was just a lesson and not a life sentence. The way I feel right now is akin to having a life sentence. So why am I not dead yet? Would have preferred a swift execution to a prolonged suffering on earth. In the same vein I don’t really like the idea of getting to a really old age if the lesson can be learned in a short time. That way I can attend to other matters in the evolutionary ladder. 

The way I feel right now, what with themes of death and rebirth and transformation, I know I am channeling Pluto, the god of the underworld. I am also aware that as an empath, I sometimes unconsciously absorb other people’s death wish as my own. 70% of the time I would feel my heart getting heavy, heavier than my own troubles in fact, and I would then hear of someone’s relative being in critical condition at the hospital and I could tell they are on their way to their death bed. I really don’t have a way of telling which feelings are mine or others’ except when there’s already the concurrent fatality. 

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