Archive for March, 2017


So lately the cosmos has alerted me to a flashback – specifically that Hong Kong birthday trip I took last year which stood out in my memory mainly because the keyword was pain. When I get repetitive alerts like this I know that there’s an important planetary transit at work. With the help of the Time Passages mobile app I have been able to study and read through some of my current planetary transits although I must admit it was a kind of reading material that was coarse at best. At least until the transit has passed, the effects described can only be understood in hindsight. I am writing about it exactly for that reason.

What really happened during my Hong Kong getaway? For some unknown reason at the time I felt like the memory of ELK was everywhere and I could not escape from it. In hindsight, I did think that it wasn’t him but it was more of how I dealt with my emotional issues regarding our fallout a long time ago. It was so excruciating. I remember castigating myself for still feeling something special towards him when last I heard in 2014 he was in a relationship. I guess that time alone made my denial – that I shouldn’t really care about him anymore because he had shut me out since that fallout –  more magnified, more urgent and pervasive than ever when seen against the broader point of view. Two things were clear: I was hopeless and, secondly, I was lying to myself.

Here’s the planetary transit as outlined in my Time Passages chart:

Processed with MOLDIV

 

Transit was strongest between April 20, 2016 and November 26, 2016. Curious that the resurgence of dreams about ELK started on November 7, 2016. The second period outlined was between January 31, 2017 and April 24, 2017. I remember sometime between late January and early February having an epiphany about how knowing what I already know provided an impetus for me to move forward honoring what my heart has always felt and let go of attempts to circumvent my spiritual progress. I remember writing about being in a point of no return. On the home front, the nagging feeling that I should speed up my plan to be independent and leave the comfort of living with my parents and siblings was so strong.

These overwhelming feelings prompted me to check on him on his social media account in October 2016. The couple pictures were deleted. He did look different in his pictures.

Receptive

Contrary to my mood few days ago when Moon was in Scorpio (which was also my Moon’s position at birth), I was a bit calmer today and kept in mind that there is only here and now and that is where my head should be at. Few things were immediately obvious when I was just being receptive and not reactive. 

I was aware of the signs, again, that the messengers would usually send me in the form of music I would accidentally hear wherever I go. I would seem to instantly feel the song’s message was for me. Again, the more logical part of me would react to that but since I am talking about being receptive instead of being judgmental here, I have to temper my logical side for a bit. Yes, I am aware of these exchanges for duality’s sake. 

Secondly, I was more attuned to serendipity. I decided to go to Healthy Options this afternoon to check out Selenium supplements. There wasn’t a lot of options for me that would not break my budget for this week, though, so I scrapped the idea. I thought of checking out if they maybe had Brazil nuts (great source of Selenium) or almonds. I did find almonds first and I was okay with buying a small pack of it but something in me kept holding back as my hands felt like I had to return it to its rack. I was going back and forth with this for a bit and I decided to  check out the bottom part of the nuts and protein bars section and, voila, to my surprise a pack of Brazil nuts was staring back at me. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Why? Because I had been looking for a seller of Brazil nuts online and I did get in contact with one local seller few months ago who informed me that they didn’t have it available at the time I inquired. 

I was even happier to see the price was similar to the online seller I first asked about it with and I need not pay for shipping fees. I went in there looking for Selenium but I got an even better deal because it’s the source of Selenium itself. An amazing find indeed! 

Signal

I’ve been having dreams about a computer or TV screen losing transmission or signal for like 3 or 4 times a week now. Again, earlier today I had the same dream with a similar theme, only this time I was in some sort of computer lab where desktop computers were still the bulky type. I had this thick manual on codes and errors that is expected to show up when a computer crashes and needs a reboot. I don’t understand any of it so I only browsed it and asked for help from the technician guys in the computer lab.

I watched an episode of the tv series, The Blacklist, shortly after having my nap and I saw a similar scene, only in this case an EMP caused it and wiped the laptop futile for future use.

IMG_6501

©NBC, The Blacklist

Sinking

For the past few days I have been thinking back to a month or so ago when I had the realisation that I was at the point of no return, specifically in the case where having been honest with myself meant I gained even more self-knowledge that I could not go back to coddling old attitudes that perpetuate denial of what my heart dictates. A month ago or so I did feel confident to wake up to that epiphany although I knew the path from thereon would not be easy. I didn’t expect things to come easy for me but what I didn’t know, however, was that I would be sinking further and further and there’s not even a lifeboat in sight. 

On second thought, sinking and drowning might be the best thing to happen to me at this point. I cannot live denying the small voice of the highest good. I may feel dead inside but there’s not much wiggle room anymore to resort to escapism to deny my inner truth. There’s nothing worse than killing my soul. 

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