Category: Astrology


So lately the cosmos has alerted me to a flashback – specifically that Hong Kong birthday trip I took last year which stood out in my memory mainly because the keyword was pain. When I get repetitive alerts like this I know that there’s an important planetary transit at work. With the help of the Time Passages mobile app I have been able to study and read through some of my current planetary transits although I must admit it was a kind of reading material that was coarse at best. At least until the transit has passed, the effects described can only be understood in hindsight. I am writing about it exactly for that reason.

What really happened during my Hong Kong getaway? For some unknown reason at the time I felt like the memory of ELK was everywhere and I could not escape from it. In hindsight, I did think that it wasn’t him but it was more of how I dealt with my emotional issues regarding our fallout a long time ago. It was so excruciating. I remember castigating myself for still feeling something special towards him when last I heard in 2014 he was in a relationship. I guess that time alone made my denial – that I shouldn’t really care about him anymore because he had shut me out since that fallout –  more magnified, more urgent and pervasive than ever when seen against the broader point of view. Two things were clear: I was hopeless and, secondly, I was lying to myself.

Here’s the planetary transit as outlined in my Time Passages chart:

Processed with MOLDIV

 

Transit was strongest between April 20, 2016 and November 26, 2016. Curious that the resurgence of dreams about ELK started on November 7, 2016. The second period outlined was between January 31, 2017 and April 24, 2017. I remember sometime between late January and early February having an epiphany about how knowing what I already know provided an impetus for me to move forward honoring what my heart has always felt and let go of attempts to circumvent my spiritual progress. I remember writing about being in a point of no return. On the home front, the nagging feeling that I should speed up my plan to be independent and leave the comfort of living with my parents and siblings was so strong.

These overwhelming feelings prompted me to check on him on his social media account in October 2016. The couple pictures were deleted. He did look different in his pictures.

Mercury Retrograde

So even though Mercury Retrograde is over, its effects can still be felt until February 8. It’s channeling the angry side of me inward because that’s just how I’m wired to react. This Mercury Retrograde kicked me in the gut as much as it had delayed plans and de-motivated me to divert my attention to Mercury Retrograde aspects like writing and other communication-related stuff.

Although I was able to take advantage of obtaining helpful information about my Cycles of Saturn report during this Mercury Retrograde, the realisation didn’t overpower me to become positive about goals I had set and written down. The issue about delayed remuneration – 10-month delay (so tell me why you shouldn’t be pissed off, too) – kept hovering over. It’s for a part-time job and even though funds are supposed to be on its way, Mercury Retrograde does a great job at keeping me on the “waiting list” for like forever. It’s exasperating and has raised my frustration to the hilt.

I’ll check in again on February 8 (even as I’m writing this sentence I am so full of disbelief). Meanwhile, let me grab some of those calming crystals.

 

Astro*Carto*Graphy

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Image courtesy of: Ara Parisien

I just finished watching Netflix’s Making A Murderer, all 10 episodes, and wonder what Steven Avery could have done to keep attracting the wrongful convictions. There’s probably few opinions I have which anyone outside of Wisconsin haven’t already brought up or publicly expressed. As I was nearing the conclusion of the documentary, I recalled my recent preoccupation with a particular city I visited a long time ago, how the place evoked intense feelings, and how I came to understand in light of the astrocartography report I ordered years ago that I do not need to take blame for things out of my control.

Surprisingly, the astrocartography report I ordered online a year after my visit to a particular city was so spot on. In another blog and another time I will post details. The gist of writing this is to express that our places of birth and places we visit also carry a different vibration; we are always not the same person in any locality we find ourselves in. I know this to be true in my case. Even my parents who preferred me to find work locally could not escape the unconscious fact that it was more auspicious for me trying out my luck outside of my hometown and more specifically, places, people and jobs having to do with foreign influence. These days when my mother brings up how unlucky I was a number of times applying for jobs right in my place of birth, I no longer empathize with her. It would’ve been much easier to move on if she’d learn to look at the bigger picture.

I had those aforementioned thoughts the further I advanced into the chronological order of the documentary. While my heart bleeds for Steven Avery for the injustice and unfair trial, I also thought it was no accident what he has gone through. As fate would have it -and as paradoxical as it may sound – for all we know he is better off being away from the myopic attitude of his neighbours. As long as he stays in Manitowoc, he would not be able to escape the negativity which the vibration of that place carries in relation to his energy.

For two days now I’ve wondered about the re-emergence of XX in my nocturnal dreams. Two dreams spaced a day apart. What’s disconcerting about it is the fact that XX and I hardly communicate at all.

Earlier that day prior to having that first dream about him I was woken from my nap break by a line from a song I hadn’t heard for a long time – Wake up, don’t sleep. While I was on the brink of surfacing from slumber, major clues pointing to the song and the band resurfaced in my memory, too. Catch Me I’m Falling…1980s hit from an Aussie band, Real Life…Catch me I’m falling down again…I know it’s a dream but just the same… I was tracing the rest of the lyrics and when I had first heard of it – I might have first heard it back in Malaysia. I surprise myself sometimes at how many details I can unearth from my memory bank.

I took the “Wake up, don’t sleep” alarm as a reminder to go back to work.

I took another nap break in the afternoon and that’s when I had dreamt of XX. The setting was in Paris; we were relaxing at a park near the Eiffel Tower. The conversation was so lucid than any other I’ve had before in my dreams. He was talking about how jet-lagged he was and introduced a little memory game his friends would play to rid them of ennui. It was a guessing game of 6 words. We looked like a happy couple, though we weren’t. He said his grandma saw us and thought we were a good match. That ruined the moment for me. I stuttered explaining away that one must have eye contact in conversations but eventually betrayed myself by looking away. I felt uncomfortable being stripped of the pretense and muttered to myself that maybe a part of me was still in love with him.

How disorienting to wake up from it! But I am aware it was not the person, but rather the energy he carried, I was enamored with. I was suddenly reminded of the song earlier. It fits the word “foreshadowing” perfectly. …Catch me I’m falling down again…I know it’s a dream but just the same… Astounding.

This morning I woke up at 3AM having recalled XX being in my dream last night. I went to a trip to the second state I had visited before in the US (that was part of a business/leisure trip I had while still working in Malaysia). I saw him driving a convertible with an older blond-haired woman seated next to him. I was aboard what felt like a bus tailing behind his vehicle. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him glance at the rear view mirror because he recognized me. I saw him do this twice yet I remained oblivious.

Well, that was a disturbing dream. What have I been doing these past two lucid dreams? Have I been astral traveling to where he presently is? I had to entertain these questions. It seemed my bewilderment would dissipate 12 hours later.

Afternoon found me checking e-mails, among other things. This was the most important e-mail I have read today, courtesy of Tarot.com:

Get ready for a blast from the past — the love planet Venus is now retrograde! This energy has the potential to bring back an old flame or crush that you never got the chance to connect with — but always wanted to.

From a brief encounter with a charming stranger to the short-lived romance that couldn’t overcome bad timing — we all have the one that got away.

WHEW. This Venus retrograde not only hearkens me back to the could-have-beens after an emotionally harrowing first-quarter 2012, but most importantly that of a long-drawn-out catharsis.

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I had my first experience with crystals on November 26th last year. Everything does happen for a reason as I never thought I’d actually be working with crystals in my lifetime. I was originally looking for crystals to aid in astral projection and that’s how I got to search for amethyst, sodalite, clear quartz, rainbow moonstone, lodestone and selenite on Etsy. As serendipity would have it, the amethyst and sodalite would arrive first because I ordered it from an Etsy shop owner located in Singapore while the rest of the stones mentioned had to be shipped from Florida.

Following my philosophy with listening to songs first before searching for the lyrics or not watching too much spoiler movie trailers before watching a movie, I preferred not to read much into the description of the crystals nor did I browse other blogs first about people’s experiences with stones before I could have a chance to experience them for myself. I get a lot of lucid dreams and dream trace and recall isn’t usually relatively difficult for me so I was ecstatic to sleep with both the amethyst and sodalite beside me.

I did have vivid dreams and there were a lot that I did not even bother to write them down because I felt they were the daytime thoughts purging type of dreams. I also experimented with sleeping with each crystal separately for a night. I noticed – without fail – that amethyst induces dreams about my family members and relatives and camaraderie. What came to mind was the connection between amethyst with Jupiter and how my Jupiter in Cancer is placed in the 11th house of my astrology chart. It’s curious how this combination of Jupiter being a benefic planet, Cancer being a family-oriented sign, and the 11th house being called the house of friendships was picked up by amethyst’s vibration.

Every person carries their own complex soul experiences with them but I’ll admit that I am not much of a “joyful friend” when it comes to my immediate family members. Being a life path 7, I pretty much love my solitude and keep to a few close friends. However, I consider my immediate family to be more of a big responsibility (breadwinner type) and less of a confidante of any sort. I do not feel guilty in this kind of detachment, this is just the way I am and I believe this is the way my karma is built around my family. I touched on a related topic in this blog called “The Mask I Could Not Give Up” and I do feel like I wear a different mask when I am around my close friends as when I’m around my blood relatives.

Working with the amethyst crystal during the daytime enabled me to have intuitive flashes, premonitions, and sudden insights. For some reason I couldn’t pin down, though, it did nothing to placate me emotionally.

Sodalite, on the other hand, works subtly as the amethyst. I noticed sodalite facilitates me most with my communication patterns and being able to express my ideas.

10:10 P.M.

And you may not feel I care for you

When you know down inside that I really do

Happy Birthday, wherever you are. May you attain Enlightenment in this lifetime.

I Don’t Belong Here

Last Sunday my mother and aunt accompanied me to the office of the Commission on Elections. I had not completed the final required step for their new rules on becoming a bonafide voter – getting the biometric stuff like face and fingerprint ID. We were met with a closed door with a sign indicating they’re temporarily holding office at some space in a local mall. We were walking towards the taxi stand and a disoriented feeling washed over me, particularly one that I am no stranger to witnessing and reflecting a lot of times.

I don’t belong here. I mostly don’t find my big career jumps or opportunities here. What the hell have I been staying here for too long?

I recall an incident back in elementary school – I think I was 8 or 9 years old – when I was having picnic lunch with the same aunt I was with last Sunday. “Your destiny is not here; it’s somewhere in a foreign place.” The years never erased her words in my memory especially when the heart recognized it to be true. What a not-so-surprising coincidence to get that sudden disorientation vibe at that point in time.

I did begin to doubt that the time may be soon for me to strike it out again in a foreign land as I wondered why I was recently imagining about family get-togethers. Later that day my mother would astonishingly run into a close high school friend that I have been avoiding communicating with for over a year. (I’ve changed a lot and people grow apart; I can’t just listen to baby stories and family drama the whole time I’m out with common friends. I’m sorry I can’t relate and not all women just want to have babies to identify their projected selves with.) I know my friend could read it in my face that I have changed and that I wasn’t looking forward to getting her new number. She did get mine though. Just a week ago I ran into 2 classmates from the university. If those aren’t enough signs to tell me something is up in my travel list then I don’t know what.

I have Ninth House in Taurus and a Moon in the Third House so I do love traveling. It’s just lately I’ve been very picky with my choices of where I want to go instead of being superficially swayed by others’ suggestions.

I have been watching Breaking Bad episodes for over a week right after I finished Fringe. In the middle of watching Season 3, it suddenly occurred to me earlier today that the only two guys I had slept with had both dealt with drug problems in the past.

I find it a curious observation and couldn’t help but think of the 12th house, which is the house of the unconscious, mental institution, hospitals, prisons, etc. Just as I had no idea (so aptly named the House of The Unconscious) what drew me to those men in the first place, I am in the dark about the role I play with the common denominators and parallels they have. Of course I am not ignorant to the fact that this shadow play all comes back to me.

To mention a few parallels – both were from Commonwealth countries. Both live in cities which had a famous harbor (very Neptunian/Piscean) nearby. The first meetings involved the first ex visiting me in my home country whereas I visited the home country of the second ex. On another theme-related incident, I have been recently having dreams about watching the waves in the ocean or submerging myself in a pool of water. In my previous post, The Cloud of The Six, I did touch on the topic of Pisces.

The 12th house in Astrology is ruled by Jupiter/Neptune, it being the natural domain of Pisces. The sign Leo occupies it with two other neighbors, Rahu and Saturn. It’s also curious that in Vedic astrology I have the nakshatra Purva Phalguni in that house.

Carol Allen explains the origins of the “Solstice”. I love this part here. Hope everyone had a Happy Rebirth of The Sun!!

View on Path

Faux Pas

The Australian Aborigines were quoted innumerable times to hold a belief system that our dreams are as much a part of our reality as the stuff we consciously engage in in the waking world. I even plastered their quote in a header banner I made for my Blogger account on dreams:

When you sleep, you wake up to the real world
When you wake up in the morning, you really sleep
Every time we sleep, we enter the real world.

Well, that’s what today’s events felt like. As in a nocturnal dream, my day was spattered with layers and parallels of personally recognizable clues.

The realization all started with an embarrassing case of mistaken identity in KK this afternoon, a.k.a. Krispy Kreme. (My burgeoning hometown, by the way, has proven on November 16th this year that it could afford to invest in one of the prosperous doughnut franchises in the world. Yay! for CdO consumers.) My cousin and I had just sorted out a fund deposit problem with a telecommunications network (more on this later) and I had the unshakable craving to have coffee with a doughnut. I saw someone sitting outside KK who closely resembled my friend, Cons. She was sharing the table with 2 girl friends and for one fleeting moment I saw her glance at our direction. The clear glass wall made everyone outside pretty much transparent and to my dismay, she didn’t recognize me when she saw me. I told myself it was probably because of my short bob as I had just gotten rid of my long tresses yesterday.

The only feature I felt so uneasy about was the doppelganger’s mole right below the lower lip. Because her principal features were so convincingly strikingly similar to those of Cons – the eyeglasses, the long straight hair, the petite frame to the robust cheeks – I entertained inane rationalizations. Oh, it’s probably not a mole…it’s probably a minor facial wound of some sort. I sent a text message to Cons to be sure. I asked her if she was in KK at the moment. I didn’t see the girl outside pick up her phone and my friend had not replied. Against my better judgment, I went over to the glass wall and knocked on it to catch her attention and I realized my mistake when she gave me a quick blank stare. I also couldn’t help but compare that she has lifeless eyes; Cons’s appear to have more spunk in them. She replied after 5 or 6 minutes and she confirmed she was not in KK. Too late. My cousin and I were laughing at my own faux pas.

On our way home an arbitrary insight hovered in my head that dulled my impatience of the traffic ahead of us. I remember the Justice card drawn for me back in September with regards to Elk. I couldn’t fully rejoice on that “highest good” promised in that card. I’ve read before how the Justice card can have unpleasant and dragging repercussions because the truth does make one miserable at first before it can set us free. Not surprisingly this theme about Justice was present in one aspect in a composite chart I generated for Elk and I. I couldn’t forget how Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise also had that one aspect in their composite chart which later on manifested itself in divorce and custody battles. Relationships unexpectedly hitting rock bottom just like ours did get my ugly Martian qualities all worked up.

I can’t seem to pinpoint why it made me even nervous that the Hierophant also appeared before in a few tarot readings about Elk. I learned my lesson to each examine the Justice and the Hierophant cards separately because it was easy to be deceived by the similarities of the two cards at first glance. This combination ought to be positive, at least for me, but I don’t know why I still get a bad vibe about it. 

I know I did the right thing by attempting to send a text message to my friend first and it’s funny to think that I could not even wait 5 or 10 more minutes to at least confirm it with her. Appearances can be deceiving. Ironically, that issue with the fund deposit had apparently been resolved on November 30th. If I had only remembered to send a text message to inquire on the balance then we wouldn’t have bothered to go there in the first place, even though it was back in December 1st when we first attempted a follow up because a mere balance inquiry verified no funds came in that day. Strange.

On another note, I realized why I kept referring to Krispy Kreme as KK. KK contains Elk’s and the babymama’s initials. Sometimes coincidences like these make me feel like whatever path each of us take on, my (bad) memory will forever be karmically linked with theirs.

The irony is not lost on me, Cosmic.

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