Tag Archive: death


Thanatos

There are times when I just break and it’s one of those days. I probably will have nightmares for a long while. 

My friend shared an instaquote via DM on Instagram earlier. Something about never being a prisoner of your past as the latter was just a lesson and not a life sentence. The way I feel right now is akin to having a life sentence. So why am I not dead yet? Would have preferred a swift execution to a prolonged suffering on earth. In the same vein I don’t really like the idea of getting to a really old age if the lesson can be learned in a short time. That way I can attend to other matters in the evolutionary ladder. 

The way I feel right now, what with themes of death and rebirth and transformation, I know I am channeling Pluto, the god of the underworld. I am also aware that as an empath, I sometimes unconsciously absorb other people’s death wish as my own. 70% of the time I would feel my heart getting heavy, heavier than my own troubles in fact, and I would then hear of someone’s relative being in critical condition at the hospital and I could tell they are on their way to their death bed. I really don’t have a way of telling which feelings are mine or others’ except when there’s already the concurrent fatality. 

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I attended a funeral of my childhood friend’s father¬†this afternoon and on the way to the memorial garden I was filled with thoughts about death and uncertainty. I listened to my mother and some of our old neighbors’ comments about the memorial garden where the deceased would be laid to rest, cremation, etc.

It was my first time to visit in Divine Shepherd Memorial Gardens, obviously because it was one of the few high-end cemeteries in the city. I heard my mom’s friend saying it was the only one in the city which offers cremation services. My mind was playing around with estimated figures and I concluded that even in death one cannot escape the expenses.

It struck me that my co-passengers in the vehicle thought cremation is kind of cruel. I noticed it was mostly the women who reacted that it was inhumane. I told them cremation saves the public a ton of space, we all come from dust anyway and to dust we shall return. So how can it be inhumane and cruel? If I die and get cremated, I’d probably be doing one or two homeless families a huge favor.

My mom thinks the process of preferring cremation over the normal burial is unconventional and doesn’t seem to respect the sanctity of the body. Her friends agreed that they couldn’t bear the thought of the deceased bodies of their loved ones being charred – they see it as some sort of double death.

Amid the conversation I couldn’t fully relate to, I decided to keep quiet and turned my thoughts inward.

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